This Fish Out of Water

I honestly never thought I would be writing a blog. I also never thought I’d be getting lidocaine shots in my head either. Yet, today, I find my self having done both.

The blog and the lidocaine shots are the culmination of months of Dr visits and medical tests for an issue that still hasn’t been diagnosed. 9am this morning my phone rings and its my neurologists office telling me my Dr is out sick would I like to see the APRN? No, not really … But I don’t want to wait another two weeks to see the Dr either. I went to the appointment not expecting anything more than the usual ” lets run some blood tests and see you back in two weeks”. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Im not technology minded and definitely not tech savvy so doing a virtual check in for an in person appointment was quite comical. I talk my way through things, like talk talk myself through them. I probably look crazy to most people around me, well if I don’t sound crazy to them first. I can only imagine how I looked sitting in the car talking to myself in the third person as I navigated my way through it.

Walking in to this appointment 99% of me wanted to run and play ostrich. Just stick my head in the sand and claim ignorance of my symptoms. Thankfully that 1% of me that has matured during this pandemic took charge and made me face this head on.

The whole thing lasted about an hour and I really do feel like I made progress today. No one wants to be sitting in their 5th Drs, 4th specialists , office in the past 6 months. I’ve seen my primary care, my old neurologist (Mr take sumatriptan), the hematologist (bone marrow biopsies are a bitch), the opthamologist (I swear I’m still seeing spots from that exam and its been a month) and finally the new neurologist (my obi wan Kenobi because he is truly my final hope).

No one wants to live with a laundry list of my symptoms either. I sure the heck don’t and its been years I’ve been struggling with them. Migraines, foot cramps, hands that resemble claws, eye pain, blurry vision, loss of vision, my short term memory is shot, I don’t feel my hands and feet, sometimes I trip over my own feet or stumble over my words, I literally bite my tongue and can get lost in the middle of the conversation (I end up looking at you like a deer caught in headlights), and I’ve completely forgotten how a good night sleep feels.

That’s how I ended up getting the lidocaine shots in my head today…I’ve had this damn migraine since April 2019…you get to a point where you will do anything to make the pain stop and feel “normal” again.

*~if you can’t find the 🌞 be the 🌞 ~*

#lidocaine #the_medical_merry-go-round #neurology ##sumatriptan_doesn’t_like_me #going_back_in_the_tube_soon

Purple Hazy Shades of Winter

Friday I took my third trip in the tube in 17 months. I’m not claustrophobic per se, but who honestly likes being strapped to a board with the headphones, the head cage, and the mirror knowing they are going inside the MRI machine for at least 45 minutes? Plus getting that dye halfway through that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling and leaves you feeling as if you just pissed your pants in front of your entire class? You know you didnt, but your body goes through every sensation as if you just did. If you’re lucky you get a diagnostic imaging tech that tells you that you may experience this … Most often though you get the one like I had, that assumes you know because you’ve had them before and doesn’t remind you.

I wish she had reminded me though, it would have been nice to have been considered as a person and not just another part of your job. I have memory issues, my short term memory is pretty much shot and if it hadn’t been for my uncle calling me Friday morning to chat before I left for my appt I wouldn’t have remembered. I would’ve been freaking out in a loud metal tube thinking I had just peed my pants knowing i didn’t have a change of clothes with me, that I would be wearing those clothes home.

When it comes to diagnostic imaging I dress as comfortable as possible. You cannot wear anything that has or may contain metal in it as it can cause an issue not just for you but for the scan. I went in my pjs with some cozy socks and a warm hoodie, knowing full well I was going to have to lose the hoodie for the scan due to getting the dye and needing the faux I.v. in my arm. That’s the other thing know which arm you want them using beforehand, it saves time and guessing in the end. You are you’re best advocate so use your voice and speak up. I got to my appt and got checked in, filled out my paperwork – tip : bring your own pen with you to fill out forms you don’t know how clean the pens get when the get cleaned, plastic is very porous, and asked my first of 3 questions. Was it going to be like my mammogram and I couldn’t wear my underwire bra while in the tube? The answer was yes you cannot wear anything that has underwire while in the tube. So I sat and waited my turn to get called in.

I didn’t wait too long for the technician to call me in and ask her few questions as to why I was having the MRI that day. She again stated no hoodie and no underwire and no shoes because of the grommets. I took care of this and followed her back to the imaging room and had to do the whole mask exchange since I was going in the tube and get strapped to the table just right. Head in the headrest, kneeblock, headphones, Head cage, mirror, faux i.v., arm padding, cross body straps, panic squishy, and the biggest question of all what’s your choice of music….Gregorian chants. (You can choose any music you want but you are stuck with that choice for the duration of the test)

I’m all set and ready and the technician goes to her booth to do her thing and get my music cued. I ask my 2nd question of the day: is Deoderant ok with the MRI? Answer: Its fine and preferred you wear it to the test. I’m them told the test will be starting so get ready. I breathe deep and ask my dad and my grandmas Annie and Jennie and my dear friend Chip to watch over me and stay with me as I go through this test, that I finally get the answers – good or bad – that I’ve been seeking for the past few years. The table starts moving, the machine starts whirring and my music is starting so it must be go time. I’m told the start of each segment and how long it will last.

At some point during this whole thing I’m quite relaxed and I’m seeing myself skipping down a hazy purple tunnel. Collecting flowers of some sort. Ethereal and colors I cannot name as I don’t know their names. Its a long tunnel and it never changes from this hazy purplish magenta color and I never stop skipping down it nor do I stop picking these ethereal flowers. There’s flute music in the distance and I’m happy. I’m laughing because the wind has just told me a secret but I don’t know what it is. I know it but I cannot tell you as its not mine to tell.

I know I was given the dye halfway through the test. That I was pulled out of the tube but the music never stopped playing. That I was so extremely relaxed and I never took anxiety meds prior to the MRI.

I know when it was all over I was told I fell asleep in the tube. That 30% of all people who have an MRI do. So my 3rd question was: did I snore? The answer : nope not even once. When my faux I.v. was removed a compression wrap was used in place of a bandaid and it was that purplish magenta color that the tunnel was. I couldn’t help but laugh. I keep laughing because its just so bizarre how its all connected but is it? So I walked out of the room laughing to get my stuff and duck into the changing room and get myself back together before I left. I didn’t pee myself and I fell asleep in the tube.

When I got home, I took off my hoodie and my compression wrap and I didn’t bruise either. So I’m left to wonder just what in the heck happened? Dream? Altered state? Out of body experience?

#MRI #outofbodyexperience #dream #alteredstate #etherealflowers #diagnosticimaging

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